What learneth thou?

Recently I was having a discussion with my friend via email. He is in India, still in his first job and I am here in US doing my Masters. The transition from the carefree engineering student to ‘whatever we are now’ was sudden and we were caught off guard. Now we are expected to behave maturely, expected to perform, expected to succeed, expected to be professional, expected to be career oriented…wow…expectations and more expectations…Anyway just thought I would put a few things that we had learnt from the past and particularly the last one year:
(some of them I have taken from my friend’s email directly and may not totally agree with him though)

While we are still at the expectations thing…Know what to expect from someone and promise only what you can deliver. This way you won’t disappoint or be disappointed.

Don’t tell people how important/intelligent you are. If you really are, it is better you leave it to them to discover. Showing your importance would be just showing your insecurity!

Do what u like and feel is the best for you, not what others will like/ want u to do.

Be nice to everyone in your capacity, but if someone crosses his/her limits, just go ahead and tell him/her to fuck off...not your problem...

Be practical and perhaps career oriented. Sometimes it is more important to be practical than being technically correct!

Don’t say yes when you want to say no!

The lessons best learnt in life are learnt the hard way. They are the ones that stay on with you guiding you whenever needed. Any lesson that has come the nice and mushy way hasn’t come and will fail u when you need it the most.

Vent out your feelings. Express anger, disapproval and gratitude if needed but never overdo anything or cross limits.

Learn to ignore: people, events, discomforts at times. You stick with them and they stick to you. It is generally you who makes the choice.

Don’t depend on luck. Sometimes it is just something others attribute to your success when they possibly couldn’t achieve it!

Some thoughts need not be expressed. Other thoughts when expressed need not be told.

No one cares for you. Stop assuming anyone does. In the first place why should anyone care for you? Probably they have enough to worry about themselves.

Don’t even try getting close to anyone. Familiarity breeds contempt. Be equidistant from all and you will be fine.

Stop cribbing. It gets you nowhere. If it is a failure it is YOUR failure alone. Don’t try to share it with others or blame it entirely on others.

Highlight your flaws to yourself before someone else does it for you.

Everyone is not you. There are bound to be differences in opinion. Expect them and learn to manage with them.

Remember that you cannot be correct always.

Take opinions from experienced people but the decision should always be yours.

All this may sound like philosophy and crap but believe me at least some of us come across similar situations in our daily life!

Money maketh a home?

Many a times I have faced the question, ‘Will you settle in US or will return to India?’ Initially I used to say I have not thought about it. Now I say, most probably I will be going back to India. From my previous posting it might seem like I would definitely get back to India and that I hate to stay in US. But that’s not the case. I want to go back to India but it is not just my lifestyle.

I often wondered what’s there in India that is lacking here. Is it just that my roots lie in India? Is it just that it is my ‘motherland’? Is home merely a geographical location or is there something more to it?
India is associated with so many things for me. Religion, bustling streets full of people, street vendors shouting and selling their wares, the shops where the customers might be known by name to the shopkeeper, buses and trains packed, the posh offices of the MNCs coexisting side by side to the slums, the n number of villages, the great cities and I could go on and on…
US for me is mainly money, then cars, sophistication, status symbol, and hey also monotony, work, and whatnot!!

So ultimately I end up in a situation: money and comforts Vs a sense of belonging.
Is it possible that I stay in US for sometime doing a job (which means I will be getting money) and maybe develop a sense of belonging? From where and how do we get this sense of belonging? The US people must also be having this ‘home feeling’! Obviously it would be a nightmare for them to make India their home. They simply wouldn’t understand how things work there and they would not learn ‘things’ as there wouldn’t be rules or there would be more exceptions to the rules than the rules themselves.

What would anyone choose? I want money but US can never be my home. Is it? (at least for now ;) ) So like most other Indians here with me I don’t think too much of it now a days. I just tell people I would do a job here for a couple of years and get back to my ‘home’. But again, did anyone think of any figure that specifies how much money you want to save? Can any amount of money earned satisfy one? I know many cousins and non-cousins who came to ‘earn’ but ultimately made US their home.

Now I imagine myself after a few years. Suppose I get a very good salary in US (come on people…it is just a supposition!) what would I do with the money? I being of the typical Indian type wouldn’t squander it for costly Europe trips or I not being the car freak would not even think of the latest car. Maybe I will make more trips back to India or hoard more and more money for my children, grand children, their children, their children’s children…This may sound ridiculous but this is what would happen probably.
I would be going to the office daily, attend the meetings, do the job, grab lunch somewhere, drag through the hours, go home, watch TV… blah blah … Weekends would be parties within a limited circle of friends (after all we are not ‘white’, everyone is not comfortable with us!) and once in a while I would go meet my distant cousin who has settled here in US…but how long would this continue?

Another scenario would be me returning to India. I would do a job there too but as I won’t be paid in dollars it would be considerably less I guess. But I don’t have to make an effort to blend into the workplace and be one among the colleagues. I don’t have to put the fake accent so that I don’t sound different (believe me; most of us do that consciously or unconsciously). It would be similar to US as in: I would be running to the office, grab some food, return home etc…there would be parties but of a different kind. You have a sort of involvement in the celebration whether it is a small get-together or a huge marriage function. Maybe here lies the difference between home and a geographical location.

Well, I see I am getting nowhere and the questions seem to be increasing rather than getting answered so instead of rambling on I will stop here and continue my ‘research work’. I have
a meeting with my professor tomorrow and a link to my blog wouldn’t answer any of his questions!

I have 'stolen' some photographs from the internet and using them as visual aid(read: making my posting colorful...lol) , hope those people dont mind!

The cool breeze blew into my face as we drove and I had a mixture of feelings going on in my mind. I was flying to the US, the dreamland of many a one in India, especially of the South Indians. My mother was sitting next to me and I could visibly see that she was very happy. I thought she would feel sentimental just like when I leaving for my hostel 5 years back…then I was still going to stay in India but she nearly cried when I left home. Now I was flying to US and she was happy. I thought, ‘OK- at the airport’.(But it never happened. Actually I was late to the airport as usual and there was no time for all that…it was just a simple ‘bye’ and ‘take care son’ and it was over)

Now I am in US. The heated apartment, the clean roads, dust free air and what not. We have plenty of Indian food that we cook at home so looks like I don’t miss my Indian life!
But NO...I do miss my Indian life. US might be a very comfortable and agreeable place to be, but what the hell! I got used to the Indian way of life. I miss the busy streets, the noise, and the cars honking away at every possibility. A day at home (which refers to India any day) would be a battle to dodge through traffic where the other vehicles are just not looking our way, trying to catch up with the latest movie, finish the assignments, and just not give up, just not catch any disease from the dusty air, just get through the day unscathed!

Life in US seems more complicated! My days become a war against monotony, not take the same route to college, not come back to the same apartment, not see the same faces, not study the same books. My struggle is for a sense of fulfillment that just doesn’t seem to exist! After all, I am in a dreamland where everything should be perfect.
Back in India I may not have a heated apartment in the cold weather or clean and smooth roads. It might be backward (probably I should not use this for India but lets exaggerate and say it is backward) but things are simple there. They are practical. They are straight forward. I wake up. I eat. I study. I sleep. When I am happy I laugh with friends and when I am sad I still have them! There is not much room for anything else.

Initially when I came to US, I was fascinated by the excellent roads, the cars whizzing by and I was amazed everyone follows every rule. Now when I go out (which is getting rarer by the day) cars just whiz by and I couldn’t care for less. All we need in US is money to buy a car, money to get a girlfriend, money to host parties. (I won’t digress and get into doing research, which would take up another entire blog I guess!). Is money the key to happiness? Is it the central heating and a drive in a car on smooth roads that is a definition of a good and happy lifestyle? I hope not!!